i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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