I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Every concussion has its silver lining
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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