a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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