did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
