I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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