My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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