matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
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