I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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