just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
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