good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
