i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize
