yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Oh god it's open bar.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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