I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
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Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
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I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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