So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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