a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
