i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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