she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
