yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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