I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
