wanna go halves on a baby?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
