The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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