the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
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i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
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Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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