Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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