ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Randomize
