id be glad to
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
