If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
