im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
