and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
