just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
