I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
