What did we do last night that was yellow?
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Randomize
