Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
