My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
