you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
