Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
