yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
