My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
