My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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