You're a womanizer and a bitch.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
