This dress was meant to end up on your floor
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
