dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Randomize
