she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
