i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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