Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Randomize