According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
