Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
even my farts smell like vagina
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
