yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
