So drunk its hurt
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
