I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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