I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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