Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
