As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
