Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
too bad you live with your parents still
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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