I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
