I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
