SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
