I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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