she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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