bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
