She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
