Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Randomize
