I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.