a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.