Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS