she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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