Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
