Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
