Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
