Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
where are you?
Hypothermia
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
