Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
