She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
