no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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