4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
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