you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
