We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize